New Camera for Christmas

Love is You.

My love.
As I sit at work, I can only think of being around you.
To see your smile, hear that laugh.
But when I'm around you, I can only think of being close to you
In your arms, lying on your chest
Listening to you breath the sweetest melody - the Song of Us
As the pounding of your heart supplies the rhythm, it never misses the beat
You are the sun to my moon.
Yes, the world can see me for what I am
But they don't see that it is you the gives me Light.
Strength.
Courage I need to face the world. And show them my best.
You are to my soul what poetry is to my mind.
Yes, I can do it on my own. But why would I want to?
When you are there to set me free
To look into the secrets of me,
Staring, without regard, at the shackles my past has placed
And, without judgment, finding something worthy of liberation
Paul said Love is Patient. Love is Kind.
Baby, Love is You.
You are My Lullaby. My Sun. My Poetry. My Love.
Love is You.


C. C. McFarlan
9/9/2010

I Cry

Can I cry? Just this once?
Without the world judging me?
Can I let my voice wail to the Heavens
The saddest song a soul can sing?
Because talking it over doesn't work
My point doesn't seem to be getting through
And while yelling is relieving
I never mean to disrespect you
I've tried writing it all down
-My troubles, my pain, my fears
But this poetry doesn't speak in the intended volume
Because they have yet to reach your ears
So let me cry.
Because all this time I've been inhaling, ready to explode

I've been sucking up all the names I've been called
The shit that I've been through
I suck up all of my emotions
And, in one exhale, Lord, I cry to You!
Because at the end of the day
You have felt my pain
And I know you've been patiently waiting
For me to call on your name
I put my trust in man
And he's failed me more times than not
But through the weakness of their spirits
I see you standing. My rock.
You're my salvation. So save me!
I can't do it alone, believe me I've tried
You are strong when I am weak
You offer a shoulder should I need to cry
And so I cry.
I cry.
I cry.

CC McFarlan

A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints

One of my all time favorites.
Click here for trailor: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3945071385/

05.06.2010

Already, I have found 2010 to be an awful year: personally, financially, and emotionally. I hope the year changes, for the better, soon.

Schemas

Let's do (well, actually replicate, thanks to Bransord and Johnson-- gotta cite those sources). I want you to read this passage and, without cheating, memorize as much of it as possible. Better yet, just try to understand it:

The procedure is actually quite simple. First you arrange things into different groups. Of course, one pile may be sufficient depending on how much there is to do. If you have to go somewhere else due to lack of facilities that is the next step, otherwise you are pretty well set. It is important not to overdo things. That is, it is better to do too few things at once than too many. In the short run this may not seem important but complications can easily arise. A mistake can be expensive as well. At first the whole procedure will seem complicated. Soon, however, it will become just another facet of life. It is difficult to foresee any end to the necessity for this task in the immediate future, but then one never can tell, After the procedure is completed one arranges the materials into different groups again. Then they can be put into their appropriate places. Eventually they will be used once more and the whole cycle will then have to be repeated. However, that is part of life

Okay. Now memorize it. I'll wait...

Not happening, right? Now I'm gonna let you in on something. This passage was about laundry. Now that you know this, go back and read it again. And see if you can understand/memorize it.

Better?

It's called schemas, or conceptual representations of our world. You see, memory is much more than mere, memorizing, for lack of a sufficient word. It's pretty cool. How many times have you gone into a classroom? Yet, I bet if I took you into a completely different classroom in a completely random town and you saw the desks, the board, etc., you'd know where you were. You'd also know how to behave (don't talk, raise your hand, learning environment). We have this "classroom schema" that kicks in, letting us know these things. This is how our brain operates, this is how we make sense of the world. There's more on this, but I have Finals to study for...

-Chastity M.

Maybe I do Love New York after all

So I went to my poster presentation in Chicago yesterday and it went pretty well. Nairne (the guy I based my research on) was actually there and gave me a run for my money. Boy was that intense! I'm not too sure if he liked that I put so much emphasis on levels of processing and not evolution. Oh well.
The best part of my trip, though, was the ride home (I got a window seat). I love sitting by the window on airplanes. It's something about flying above the clouds that I find so relaxing. Kissing Heaven, I call it.
I guess the pilot took the scenic route this time, or maybe it was just the direction we were coming from. Either way, I found myself overlooking Manhattan, cruising over the Hudson, gazing at Liberty's everlasting flame. Beautiful. The colors, the infamous grid lines that shapes downtown, those lights. It wasn't until then that I realized I Love New York. All of my life, I've taken for granted the beauty of the overcrowded city. Scowled at the traffic, the pollution, the loudness of life, the random tourists taking pictures of buildings I've seen a thousand times. But as I flew over the city last night, I grew nostalgic. For the first time, I wasn't a part of it. I was thousands of feet in the air, looking at it from a distance.
And then the pilot did something interesting. He turned the plane so we can reach our destination. The thing is, when a plane turns in the air, one side goes down, and the other up. So as that right wing tilted downward (and I was on the left side), I could see my city no more. I was forced to stare at the blank black sky. New York City was taken away from me. Or did I abandon it? Did I just say goodbye to the town I've known all of my life? Just walked away, leaving Times Square and forgetting to turn the lights off. Goodbye New York. I love you.

Chastity M.

(This image is one that I took on the plane yesterday)

talk about selective memory! - a seemingly really long entry

I guess it wouldn't be right (or myself) if I didn't throw some psychology into this blog... I'm currently in class, obviously not paying any attention. I'd rather prepare for my presentation tomorrow- I'm being flown out to Chicago to present some research I did out in Colorado. This was the first study I conducted on my own from start to finish, and let me tell you. It was amazing to see how the mind works. We think our capacity for memory and what we actually remember varies with each individual, but you'd be surprised at how similar it is. Let's talk about my study...

Craik & Tulving (1975) showed that the "deeper" information is thought about (called levels of processing), the more likely the person is to remember it. So, for instance, if I asked you "is POTATO spelled in capital letters" (shallow processing), "is a horse a type of animal," (deep processing) and then told you to list those words, you'd remember horse better than you'd remember potato. Get it?

Nairne, Thompson, and Pandierada (2007) built on this finding, suggesting our memory systems have been fine-tuned by evolution to specifically help humans survive. Therefore, humans will remember information relevant to their survival better than they'd remember random information. To show this, they had participants rate words based on their relevance to specific scenarios. The experimental condition went something like: how relevant is "aunt" to surviving in the grassland. The control condition asked: "how relevant is "book" when moving, or even "how pleasant is the following word: chair". And sure enough, participants remembered the random words from the survival condition better than anything other condition. Isn't that interesting! These are random words, carefully selected to have NOTHING to do with the condition (they didn't ask how relevant is a moving man when moving to a new city" and still the survival processing is best.

This study was revised to compare other conditions to survival in the grasslands and something interesting was noticed: not only was survival processing best, but survival in the grasslands in particular produced the best recall. Hmm. "We already think memory systems survived evolution for survival purposes, could it be that its even better in the grasslands because of that's where humans probably evolved in the first place?"

My lab screamed "no way! You can't make such an assumption when you haven't even compared the scenario to other conditions with equal levels of processing." Do you really think as hard about moving as you do about surviving? So that's just what we did. We compared memory for survival processing in a grasslands to survival processing in other naturally occurring scenarios, such as the desert or the jungle, that pose the same threats, and that are both relevant to evolution (like grasslands and jungle) and that aren't (like space or desert) so we can really see if evolutionary scenarios have something to do with it.

Guess what... it didn't. Survival processing still produced higher recall than the control (pleasantness) but it didn't matter whether it was evolutionarily relevant or not. So why the difference? Levels of processing. Thinking about survivng in the wilderness of mother nature makes us think harder, and therefore remember better, than thinking about something man-made.

But, as all studies show, survival processing produced highest recal rates. So maybe, Jamil, when you're studying those African Kings, think about how relevant it would be to surviving in the Sahara desert, and maybe you'll remember it beter!

Chastity M.

Ogun, Osanyin, Eynile

Ogun- the lord of iron and war, is significant to all who use metal. In rituals and scrap may honor him. In honor of Ogun, the axe made from wood, iron, pigment is used. It represents dignity.
Osanyin is the source of herbal medicine. The staff is used in his honor.

Eynile is a local orisha of hunting, rivers

Orunmila and Eshu

Orunmila and Eshu (trickster) are, perhaps, two of the most celebrating orishas, gods, in Yoruba tradition in Nigeria. Orunmila is the god of certainty and also represents destiny. Eshu is the god of uncertainty and he is also considered the messenger of the gods. Together, the two personify the oral tradition which states, "order does not exist without disorder." Together, they also represent an important aspect of Yoruba's worldview, change.



Eshu's image is the more ubiquitous of the two God's, although Orunmila is equally revered. Eshu is celebrating in all walks of life, including the market place. He receives much praise from the Yoruba people. Orunmila is also celebrated more discretely.



In a divination process, ifa, which occurs every 4 days, Orunmila's influence on society is marked.



Using a Opon Ifa (divination board), a flat plate-like circular object that facilitates ababalowa's attempt to explain peoples destiny. In the ritual, the tray is sprinkled with special wood. Then 16 palm nuts are thrown onto the tray, which creates a configuration of 8 sets of signs. Their are 256 possible configurations that are all associated with oral literature. The babalowa chants, to evoke Eshu and Orunmila, and to deliever one's destiny. The client interjects to relate the message to their own lives.

To assist in the ritual an Iroke is tapped upon the board. The Iroke is carved from Ivory in the image of a kneeling woman. The position represents supplication, and also serves as a intermediary between the gods and the clients.

Both Orunmila and Eshu represent change.
Dance wand made of leather, wood, cowries, shells, and brass decorate shrines and are used in processions and festivals. The phallic suggestions are indicative of the role of Eshu in male sexuality.

It Don't Break Even

"Breakeven" - The Script

Verse 2: They say bad things happen for a reason. But no wise words gon' stop the bleeding. 'Cuz she's moved on while I'm still grieving. 'Cuz when a heart brakes, no it don't break even.
Chorus: What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you? What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok? I'm fallin' to pieces.

This is just a verse of one of my favorite songs out now. And it's SO true. In relationships, the amount of effort put in always seems to be able to put into an objective, numerical form. Don't we all love 50-50 relationships? But realistically, many are more of 60-40, even 70-30. This is when it gets ugly. That's when "you won't realize what you have until it's gone." That's where this song comes in. When that person giving more than 50% comes to this great realization that shit isn't even and seeks to better themselves. And the >50 gets <50% of the pain felt. Payback is a female dog. But then there's the case where the person giving the most in the relationship feels it the hardest. All the time wasted. All the effort put in. They didn't appreciate anything and still don't. Doesn't that suck? What's very interesting though, is that while in the relationship, both parties feel they're giving either 50% or greater. They fail to see what the other person does, compromises, sacrifices. It's called selfishness. When all you think about is how much I'm putting in and how much more I want, how do you have a healthy relationship. I guess the goal is to always make the effort to put in 60%. And if you're both doing it, you'll have a great relationship. And if not, it's their loss. They'll come to notice sooner or later - "(s)he ain't gonna ___ like I did it." Doesn't it feel good knowing that's true? How much are you giving? Is it enough? Are you getting the same?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yZ1uI5yPbY

-Chastity M.

If this sounds too cheesy, it's because he's my macaroni :)

I don't know. Maybe this post is cheesy. But I'm the poet, the romantic, the one that believes that you don't have to be a princess in distress to have a fairytale-like ending. And I'm also the one with the incredibly fragile heart. So when a person like myself finds someone like Jamil, her heart sings. And he's told me he hates cliches. And, in a way, I agree. Because saying that after three years my heart still races when I smell his cologne, or that he runs through my mind every hour of the day does my feelings no justice. But then again, when there are no words to explain perfection, "perfection" alone falls short. And "I love you" only touches on how I feel for him. So all I am left with is a cliche or two, hoping you understand the meaning behind it.
I've found someone that loves me for me. That has my best interest at heart. His toughness gives way to sensitivity when I need a shoulder to cry on. I am not afraid to be silly, afraid, to cry, express fear, anger, hurt, or anything else I may hide from every one else. Because he's there to bring me back to my original state of happiness, with a joke. A kiss. Open arms. Or just a glance that lets me know everything is going to be okay.
We don't have it all. Money, cars, or anything over the top. But I'm living off love as my dad teases (again with the cliches). He's my drug. My addiction. Satisfying my seemingly insatiable appetite, he's just enough.
All I can do is try to be for him what he is for me.

Personal observation

To live your life (and plan it as well) based on your fears and anxieties is an idea I discourage. Too often we doubt ourselves and our abilities. If you think you can rap or sing, then try it out. Don't let your fear of criticism, or anything else, dissuade you. There is a potential in you that may never be realized. I believe, In my mind, that there is "nothing to fear but fear itself" but I, too, fall short of my own beliefs. Perhaps, now that I have blogged I can speak my beliefs into existence.
At any rate, this blog goes beyond rapping and singing. Anything that you think you can do, and that you have prepared yourself to do is something worth pursuing. Even if the anxiety is real keep pushing past it. If the odds are stacked against you then uhhh....think about all the people who've won the lottery.
I watch a lot of Theophilus London's performances and sometimes I am moved by how personal he is in his art. I do not think he would be half as good if he gave 90% as opposed to 100%. Back to my homework.

Agoli Agbo; Dahomey, Fon, Republic of Benin,

To the left is Agoli Agbo, last king of Dahomey, who can be marked by the umbrella he is carrying. On his face he wears a sieve to filter the air and give off a catlike appearance. In his left hand is a royal axe, makpo, which balances his shoulders. The makpo, along with his clothing carry the name fa names (or strong names of past kings).

The sieve which appears to make him like a lion is extremely descriptive of the Dahomey belief system. For example, it is believed that kings may turn themselves into animals to flee danger or to observe discretely. Many bocio, sculptures, which are created to protect the king as well as to mark his authority, represent the lion's importance. For example, in honor of King Glele a lifesize anthropomorphic lion figure was created and used in battle in battle to scare the enemy. Bocio are believed to be spiritually charged. It was also used in annual ceremonies.

Yet another example of a bocio is the, Agoje, that depicts a warrior holding a sword.

In an attempt to make homework interesting

Meet Ariwajoye I, oba(king) of the Igbomina Yoruba. Lets check out his garb, which represents his sacred nature and DIVINITY. Further, as an Oba and descendent of Oduduwa, he is not to be seen. The crown is made of wickerwood cone covered with stiff farbic or canvas- (What's that?) attached are trade beads. Also on the crown are three(all seeing) abstracted faces, representative of the unity between the king and his royal ancestors. Between the faces are birds. The top bird is the egret, the bird of decorum. The other represents "Our Mothers," ancestral female deities the king must learn to control in order to rule. The crown gives him ashe (power). The cushion stole is for his feet that cannot touch the floor.

When the Black Card starts to fade

I am a McNair Scholar. It's a program aimed at preparing "underrepresented" students for grad school, particularly for their PhD. We receive research training, GRE prep classes, etc.
While the term "underrepresented" may include people from all nationalities and races (the term also applies to first generation scholars and those with low SES's), it can go without saying that the majority of my fellow McNair Scholars are Black.
Last week, we had a guest speaker from the Psychology PhD program come in to tell us about life as a grad student. I completely disagreed with everything she had to say, but what annoyed me the most was when a Scholar asked her about GRE scores and she told her not to worry about it, just say in your essay that you're Black and you're in. What kind of advice is this!? And how does this explain my 6 rejection letters? Haven't we come to a day and age where your skin complexion isn't always going to justify your lack of ability? Sure, there's the whole gentrification thing, and the lack of funding for education in certain neighborhoods. But when you don't take advantage of what you do have, is your failure really because you're Black? Am I completely off?

The reintroduction

When my girlfriend decided to construct a scrap book, I suggested to her that it would be a good idea to continue to blog as well. Scrap books commemorate experiences- when, where and who. However, blogs provide a space where people can write down their opinions, and feelings about various subjects and topics. It is characteristic of people to change their opinions, and feelings. My hope is that, over time, my girlfriend and I will continually blog about particular issues we believe in, share them to the world, and then at a later date look back on some of our writings to see how much we have changed mentally, and emotionally.